5 Very Real Dangers Hipsters Face

Stars shine brightest when they are about to die and that is the same with trends. It’s when they get really big that the people that started them abandon them to find the next new wave to bring to the masses, and it starts all over again.

Before the Hipster revolution truly dies out I just want to present a Buzzfeed-esque blog.  Oh no…what will happen to Buzzfeed when the hipster trend dies….?

1. Music

Don’t matter whose playing, Hipsters love festivals. Just get tickets, get those colourful dots around your eyes and get a selfie of you in a field with a bit of mud to make you look like sexy Rambo – however then catch worms from the dodgy burger you ate.

Selfie Festival

Furthermore, wear T-shirts with band names like The Ramones, Fleetwood Mac or The Rolling Stones that you have no clue about and then damage your ears with terrible music suggested to you by Fearne Cotton on her Radio 1 show (which I know she doesn’t do anymore – which in turn now receives more listeners F*** YOU COTTON, YOU ARE S***)

Fearne Cotton Amazing

2. Travelling

196 countries in the world and the only one you can think of to travel round is Australia. So if you survive the snake bites, deadly spiders and crocs’ then maybe you can spend the rest of your life talking about how much of a spiritual awakening you had travelling around a country with over 900 McDonald’s restaurants and erm many other culturally significant landmarks.

3. Catching a cold

Wearing no socks is bad for you. Even Hipster friendly The Guardian, so Hipster they would make a list of top 10 Nirvana songs and go out of their way to refuse to mention Smells Like Teen Spirit because it is so #popular, said it has negative effects. Socks are cosy and comfy and you can get ones that look like gloves which are pretty hipster.

#soratchet

4. Beard dangers

What if the styling wax in your moustache drips down and you consume too much and it poisons you!!!! #JUSTSAYIN’. Or what if you are busy shredding things that hipsters shred, like…socks and you catch your beard in it! You thought you didn’t have to worry because you were wearing a bow tie and not a tie BUT NO!

5. Mind blown from a coffee addled experience of self realisation that you are a hipster which leads to choking on moustache and/or pipe

Never call a hipster a hipster! If they ever realised they were, I would imagine it would be like this…

Even the king of hipsters Jack Kerouac called himself a hipster, “they were like the man with the dungeon stone and gloom, rising from the underground, the sordid hipsters of America, a new beat generation that I was slowly joining.” pg 48 On The Road (1957), so why do you almost have a heart attack when people call you one?

Jack Kerouac, Master Hipster

Chavs didn’t want to be called chavs, emos didn’t want to be called emos, and now hipsters don’t want to be called hipsters. I was a greebo skater boy and we accepted that title because we didn’t lie to ourselves and therefore became better, more rounded characters who liked to shout SHIT like Fred Durst #sorrynotsorry

Fred Durst Shit

Thanks For Reading

Forever Yours

Paul

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